


Tobi, Tobi, Tobi

by Lybra, Translations (SweetAlphaChild)



Category: Naruto
Genre: Hidan (Naruto) Swears, Humor, M/M, pre-obidei, pre-tobidei
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:34:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22664077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lybra/pseuds/Lybra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetAlphaChild/pseuds/Translations
Summary: Obito believes that Deidara will easily adapt to any changes within the Akatsuki thanks to his great artistic skills. Deidara asked for this badly and now he doesn't know what to do. After all, they say that people are creatures of habit.
Relationships: Deidara/Tobi (Naruto), Deidara/Uchiha Obito, Hidan/Kakuzu (Naruto)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 85





	Tobi, Tobi, Tobi

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RoseTinting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoseTinting/gifts).



Pein had made up his mind. Things in the Akatsuki were not going as fast as he wanted. Kakuzu was fed up with Hidan, and Deidara constantly complained about Tobi's ineptitude. It was all Tobi, Tobi, Tobi. Tobi this, Tobi that. Kisame and Itachi were a model team, Zetsu did his spy duties well, Konan was always there for him. The problem was the zombie combi, their immortality was of no use if they couldn't stop arguing on the battlefield. And about Deidara, although he didn't understand what Tobi was playing at, Madara assured him several times that he really tried to get along with the boy. His hyperactive, juvenile personality could be the problem there, although Pein seriously thought that Madara could make a better effort, but it was better to keep up appearances while they had so few bijuu under their power. And if he was honest, when he thought of disasters, the first thing that came to his mind was Hidan rather than Deidara. Putting those two together was a no-no, and the solution was obvious in his opinion. He called Konan to convey the message.

* * *

"Finally, a leader that gets things done," Kakuzu started to pack his suitcase, much to Hidan's disdain.

"What's wrong with you?! Who does the leader think he is? Konan, come back here! Agh, Kakuzu son of a bitch, I can live without you!"

Kakuzu ignored the scythe that smashed through the door, as he headed towards the end of the hall.

* * *

Tobi accepted it without complaining, to his surprise. While Konan vanished in pieces of paper, Deidara watched bewildered as the masked man stood up.

"Well, senpai," Obito was taken aback and it annoyed him a bit that Pein made decisions without consulting him first, but it wasn't an important matter anyway. It was for the sake of the plan, after all.

Perhaps and despite all the fun he had with Deidara, he should stop playing dumb and step aside. And the young artist was highly adaptable, it wouldn't be hard for him to form a good team with Kakuzu, definitely not as hard as being partnered up with Hidan.

"You have been the best senpai in the world. I couldn't have asked for a better one," he said as he squeezed Deidara's shoulders. "I will miss you but will try to be strong to take your teachings wherever I go, senpai."

Deidara crossed his arms.

"You're just going to the other end of the hall, hm," he still couldn't process the news at all. Were they going to separate him from Tobi?

Perfect, that was what he had wanted since it was nearly impossible to do a simple mission with the annoying masked man. And he would accept almost anything as long as he wasn't paired up with Hidan or Itachi.

"I'm going to miss you!" Obito hugged him and started to sob dramatically, until he managed to annoy him.

"I told you to stop hugging me so out of the blue, hm!" Deidara couldn't help shouting again. That bothered him as much as having to put up with his silly, idle chattering everywhere he went.

Damn Tobi.

"I'll never forget anything you taught me!" He screamed as if they were torturing him.

* * *

It wasn't difficult to do things with Kakuzu. It reminded him a bit of Sasori: frugal and independent, although he knew how to collaborate much better than his late companion. Deidara suspected that the two of them would have gotten along, after all both had elderly souls.

Yes, perhaps that was the vibe in the air. That lack of joviality and spark that reminded him of his years teamed up with Sasori, something he couldn't place his finger on.

"Deidara," Kakuzu called for the umpteenth time, starting to lose his patience.

That time, the artist actually listened the legendary shinobi's plan. The plan was good, blunt, their first two missions had worked out smoothly. Everything had been too perfect, as if Sasori had been right all along with that same old story about perfection. Deidara just had to nod and soon he would be using his valuable time in new and more deadly artistic creations, instead of systematically wasting it by playing attention to Tobi's nonsense. Everything was going better than ever, as in a dream. Not like with Tobi.

Tobi.

"I disagree, hm."

* * *

Obito scoffed behind his mask. There he went again. Hidan not only had no ideas: he had no vision or style, unlike Deidara. He regretted calling his former senpai a fanatic. That pest in front of him disgusted him and he was the real fanatic. Besides, Hidan was so unbearable that his screams had his ears constantly ringing. That was how Deidara must have felt while partnered with him. They had not even been able to complete the mission of delivering a scroll that Pein had given them six days ago. Obito was feeling truly bad for everything he made Deidara go through.

"Tobi, move your ass, motherfucker!"

His senpai had never spoken to him like that.

" Why do you never listen to me? Stop thinking about screwing Blondie!"

His senpai was not 'blondie', and please, Obito never had such indecent thoughts about that talented, unmatched, cultured, revolutionary and pure artist. May Kami-sama and Rin take care of him from heaven, he wondered how Deidara would be doing with that ugly but brawny man that was Kakuzu. He felt more uncomfortable with the idea of his senpai making a good team with a lightly dressed Kakuzu.

"My plan is perfect, you just have to collect a hundred meters of intestines for the ritual!"

Although Hidan was worse than Tobi was for Deidara, Obito felt the weight of karma crushing his back.

* * *

"Deidara, I don't understand what's wrong with you. I won't wait for you any longer, if you don't come with me I'll do it on my own."

"I'm not interested, hm," bored, Deidara played with a clay ball, throwing it in the air and catching it up again.

The older man let out a heavy sigh.

"Don't expect me to pay you for this mission," he stated, closing his briefcase full of bank notes.

Deidara watched him with a frown, but didn't answer. He was remembering when he was able to make Sasori's hair go grey, and that was what guys like them deserved for being bitter and tedious chasers of eternity. His stomach jerked in mere disgust; he felt as if he was going backwards in his life and did not even feel motivated to change that.

"Do what you want, I don't care about these meaningless missions, hm," Tobi would have proposed to have lunch and do some local tourism before fulfilling their goal. He pissed him off, that was true, but he never ignored the voice of his stomach, and with Kakuzu he had no time for anything, just like with Sasori.

Kakuzu walked away in silence, mentally insulting all youngsters nowadays, damn it to hell if he understood the lot of them.

Deidara crushed the clay furiously against the floor. Faced with a refusal like that, Tobi would have already clung to his back, hugging him like the annoying dumbass he was. Tobi annoyed him, yes, but he never bored him.

Tobi was Tobi. Tobi, Tobi, Tobi.

* * *

Konan questioned him with her eyes.

"Why did you ask for Pein for such a simple situation? You are Madara and you know that he has more important things to do."

The masked man stood imposing, just like Madara used to.

"I couldn't handle it by putting him in a genjutsu. Hidan is stupid but not naive. He was really gonna butcher everyone there at that post office, endangering Akatsuki's current reputation."

Konan took out the pair of katanas that had pierced the jashinist's chest and wrapped him in paper.

"Pein expects this to be the last time. Madara is supposed to handle things like these," she said with contempt staring at a dead or unconscious Hidan, who knew.

She disappeared after turning into papers. Obito hunched up a little before grabbing the unconscious body to return to the headquarters.

* * *

Deidara hated him. He couldn't stand his eyes, he couldn't bear being in the same room as him. Kakuzu had sold his blankets with the pretext of Akatsuki's finances and then Deidara caught him trying to remove the large wooden table he used as workshop. He had managed to convince him momentarily by threatening to blow up all his bags full of bank notes.

He ran his hand across the battered and dirty surface of the table, remembering how Tobi used to clean it for him, the few things he knew how to do well. Then he looked at Kakuzu's neatly arranged futon and felt sick when he didn't find the familiar mess of duvets and blankets typical of the masked man. Deidara used to tell him off for that very thing every morning. It wasn't that bad to be someone's senpai, after all.

He sat down at the table, looking at the shelf with all the half-written scrolls he had made to teach Tobi some basic art lessons. He used to ask for them constantly, even though he was very inconsistent in practice. Kakuzu would never worry about something artistic unless he could sell it. Tobi told him that he didn't understand his art and that he was possibly a plagiarist, but that he knew that art was important to his senpai. Not even a week had passed since the last time he heard that flattering phrase from Tobi, his Tobi, Tobi, Tobi, Tobi .

And, above all things, Deidara felt that he had gone a year back in time, that he was no longer senpai and authority for anyone, and that he would never eat dangos and lollipops again talking about nonsense with Tobi until the wee hours of the morning, while everyone in the cave was going to sleep. The Tobi that woke him up to a ready breakfast, the one that let him sleep until noon was gone. It seemed to him, that Akatsuki was on the road to total ruin.

* * *

"PUT ME BACK WITH TOBI OR I'M LEAVING THIS DUMPSTER, HM!" A C-1 exploded.

Pein had a headache. Didn't Deidara complained until he was fed up of it, asking for a proper partner?

"Deidara, I assume that you remember who you are addressing in such a rude way and the contradiction in your requests," he said, his voice eerie. He opened his eyes waiting for the usual effect it caused on his subordinates.

"STOP PRETENDING TO BE GOD AND GIVE ME TOBI BACK OR YOU'LL END UP WITHOUT COMPETENT STAFF, HM!" He pointed at him with his index finger, arrogant.

Pein blinked, unable to help feeling a bit intimidated. Oh no, that's not how a God should present themselves.

"I WILL TAKE TOBI BACK, I WILL KILL ITACHI, KAKUZU AND EVERYONE WHO FACES ME! AND I WILL LEAVE YOU WITH THAT USELESS DICKHEAD THAT IS HIDAN, HM!" Nothing and no one was going to scare him. Fuck the leader.

"Who do you call useless, blondie?" The jashinist entered the stone room with his loyal scythe. "Boss, let me go back with Kakuzu," he asked in a weird, miserable voice.

Before Pein could reply, Tobi rushed in.

"Leader-sama!" He turned to him and got to his knees, keeping his good boy act. "Tobi has been a good boy, but he can't take it anymore. Hidan-san even smells funny."

"Listen, you fussy-ass cunt, Kakuzu didn't care about it." He pointed at him with the scythe. "Kakuzu is a real man," he stroked his naked biceps, as if craving his presence, while his purple amethyst eyes shone.

Deidara's killing intent increased by feeling the bottom vibe that the jashinist gave off; that creep had held his Tobi hostage for a whole week. Obito and Pein ignored as best as they could the scene that Hidan was making, and didn't say a word when the treasurer stepped in.

"Leader, I can't be with this brat anymore," he spat, pointing at Deidara. "He's even less obedient than Hidan. I lost two ryo yesterday."

Everyone looked surprised, even Pein himself. Two ryo were not enough to buy an onigiri.

"You've heard it, hm! I want Tobi back! I am his only senpai!" Deidara shouted at the top of his lungs, the echo spreading throughout the cave.

Obito's heart skipped a beat. He joined the request without even thinking about it.

"I can't stand Hidan, leader-sama! Tobi misses Deidara senpai!"

"I miss Kakuzu. I miss that gaylord. That's it, I said it!" Hidan blurted out when no one expected it.

"I volunteer to work on my own from now on," but no one would listen to Kakuzu that day.

Pein inspired with solemnity.

"A good leader must recognize when things don't work and act accordingly for the sake of his subjects," he began.

"We're not your subjects, hm." Deidara crossed his arms, making his hand-mouths sculpt something bigger and more powerful.

"I knew you were stoned, boss," Hidan concluded, believing he discovered the secret behind Pein's strange purplish eyes.

"Enough! Go back to your old partners and get out of my sight!" He disappeared in a speck of smoke.

Hidan ran out to look for Tobi's futon and sculptures, throwing them carelessly into Deidara's room to start dragging Kakuzu's belongings back to his own bedroom. The older man hurried behind him, warning him not to touch his suitcases.

Obito looked Deidara in the eye, feeling that everything had returned to normal. Never, never, should he have allowed to lose control over his team.

"Senpai!" He threw himself into his arms, choking him in a seemingly endless hug.

Deidara let himself be squeezed until he remembered that, as his senpai, he had to make himself respected once more. He cleared his throat, and although Obito had sworn to treat Deidara better, he failed to let him go.

"Well, Tobi," Deidara practiced his former tone of a responsible senior. That horrific week with Kakuzu had made him forget almost everything important. "I hope you know who your senpai is again."

Obito parted a little, looking at him through the mask hole.

"You never stopped being my senpai. Deidara-senpai is the only senpai I need."

Dodging his gaze, Deidara looked back, watching Hidan go away. He gave him a look of defiant mockery.

'Tobi is only mine, hm.'

"It's good that you haven't forgotten," Deidara closed his eyes, feeling honored. "I hope that point is clear for Hidan, hm." He sounded menacing.

Obito blinked in surprise.

"Senpai, I never let Hidan go closer than three meters from me."

From the tone of his voice, Deidara knew he wasn't lying.

"Excellent. And now, Tobi, I'm tired. These days with that creepy old man have drained all my creativity, hm."

"My poor senpai," Obito took his hands and held them tight. His little young senpai withered like a flower paired with one century old people. He would make sure it wouldn't happen again.

"So it was, hm," that level of body contact with Tobi was quite pleasant, he decided to repress his previous opinions about it in some corner of his mind. "A week without trying bakudan, dangos, ice cream or barbecue". That stingy and exploiter old geezer that was Kakuzu. Those things didn't happen with Tobi.

"Deidara-senpai!" His heart ached, reminding him that it was still there after what happen to Rin. But that was a completely different situation, that little blond artist was the only senpai in his life, after all. Tobi hadn't been able to eat much either, seeing so much viscera while being Hidan's partner had put him off.

"After being next to that savage, you will appreciate art better, I guess," he let go of his hands and started walking towards one of the secret exits of the room, followed by the cheerful trotting he had missed so much, yes, it had never been grating to him.

"I have understood the importance of art in people's lives, senpai! And it was all when I no longer had you by my side," he walked by Deidara's side, as they went out into a bright forest.

"You don't appreciate what you have until you lose it, hm." Deidara felt important repeating that phrase from Onoki that he had mocked so many times as a teenager.

Obito put his gloved hands together before stopping him.

"My senpai is so wise. Do you want me to carry you? Let's go to a food stand, right Deidara-senpai?"

Deidara didn't need to think about it.

"Mhm, this week with Kakuzu has been quite tiring. You can carry me to the food stall of that old woman who is on the road to town, hm."

Obito carried him like those princes that save princesses carried them in the illustrations of a fairytale.

"My poor senpai, he must have gotten so fed up," He started walking, carrying a happy Deidara in his arms.

"Don't remind me, Tobi." Deidara ran his hands over Tobi's shoulderblades, holding himself better as he looked straight ahead. "It seems that my abscence made you a more attentive kohai, hm," he said as he distracted himself staring at the tight black jumper he hadn't seen in days. Human flesh, brimming with youth.

"Tobi will be better for his senpai," Obito swore very seriously.

Deidara smiled in satisfaction, wondering what he could order, as he understood once again that no matter how free artist he wanted to be, routine changes involving Tobi did not please him in the least.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy birthday Bobito! I'm so sorry I didn't make you a birthday fic. You were born in a complicated day, did you know that? Typical Uchiha. Anyway, chapter 10 of Consequences is up. I had this idea a few days ago and I couldn't go with it until I pulled it out of my head. In the original idea Kakuzu and Hidan did not have so much importance, but as I wrote it they took a bit of limelight and I liked it that way. Hopefully Kakuzu will stop playing hard to get with Hidan because I know they love each other in their own way. And about Deidara and Tobi, it's a nice way to start with the pining that we already know where it leads.
> 
> It all started that I wondered "What if Tobi and Deidara weren't partners in the Akatsuki?" I tried to match them with other members and with every single one, everything ended up being a mess. They didn't fit well with anyone else, there would always be problems. In the end I came to the conclusion that they are a good team, and that Hidan is for Kakuzu. It is not a birthday fic as such, but in case you don't know there is your gift, Obito, you are taking Deidara as a princess in your arms and they will eat until they are fed up, like in a birthday party. I hope you are very happy with your senpai in this dimension of my own mangekyo called fanfiction and remember, although they want to adapt to the changes that Pain made, they cannot because they are stubborn mules both of them, anyway, happy birthday Tobito!


End file.
